girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
