OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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