we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
