i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize