There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
