So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
