where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
