We won't sleep together?
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Who died my cat blue again?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
