a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize