That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
