I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize