plz talk dirty to me
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
