I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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