Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
