I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
