Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
