I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
