Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
