I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
