Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you win again, gameday.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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