God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
