If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i will never coherently bang her
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
