Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize