I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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