I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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