So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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