You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
