My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
