Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
