Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
