1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
