I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
