I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
