a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
