he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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