i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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