we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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