question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
