I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
