Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
