My liver just broke up with me...
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
