She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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