I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
