I hope mine doesn't look like that
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
