I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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