please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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