Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize