be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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