what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
