somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
