I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
