Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
