in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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