when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I enjoy the company of your penis
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
