I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Shame - the story of my life.
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