homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
