Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
