she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
