Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize