i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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