I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
