idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
