Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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