Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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