Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
