But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
