ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
