drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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