But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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