At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
