either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
