I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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