you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
