I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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