I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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