there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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