don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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