I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
