Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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