party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
