i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize