Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
