i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
