so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
