no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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