Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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