This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
