I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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