so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
