Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
