I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
