I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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