quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
this hospital has no fireball
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
