Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
