I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
