You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
