he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
