So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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