i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
