I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
