She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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