we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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